Ann Taylor and Skipper

By working in the food and beverage industry, a "churched up" way of saying waiting tables, you come to learn quite an array of social skills. Dealing with one customer after another, all of which have different personalities and needs, makes one quick on their feet, like a cat, jumping nimbly bimbly from limb to limb. M'yow.

Joining the ranks of the educated who are earning their way to the next step one gratuity at a time, I've come to see myself hone many of these social skills. You have to look at each table or seat filled at your bar as a challenge. You have a clean slate with each person to present yourself however you'd like, and can formulate your demeanor accordingly. Unfortunately, this entire process is basically diluted prostitution. The dynamic of the relationship formed between eater and greeter is short-lived and superficial at best. The goal is to meet their needs as quickly as possible while making yourself seem as awesome as possible. This also means you're most likely willing to tell them anything they want to hear so they'll give you more money.

An example of just such a dialogue from the other day; a middle aged couple join me at the bar. They have tourist written all over them from the map of downtown Charleston folded under a "Best of Charleston" book to the sawgrass basket they undoubtedly paid entirely too much for in a bag beside them. He had one of those "CV-124" or whatever, Navy hats on from whatever ship he served on in his prior service and she was dressed stylishly enough for me to deduce she has enough time and money to make that her priority. As we settled into our journey of a few drinks and an appetizer, I begin to probe for my angle of attack.

Me: "So where's home?"
Skipper: "Just outside of Richmond VA."
Me: "Oh thats nice, are we here for just the weekend?"

I like to talk in the third person because its less direct and subsequently less aggressive sounding. Anything to keep from spooking the herd.

Skipper: "We're actually here until Tuesday."
Me: "Nice! You should check out (insert whatever was going on that weekend)"
Ann Taylor Loft: "Oooh Skip, that sounds fun we should do that."
Me: "You might want to check out the USS Yorktown, it has some great military displays."

As I walk away to make a drink for a server, I hum the Navy's anthem Anchors Away. Ann sees her shopping opportunities slipping away and tries to regain control.

Ann Taylor Loft: "Is this the main shopping area or are there more shops somewhere else?"
Me: "The majority of the shops are right here, but there are a few near the Charleston Museum, which has a replica of the Hunley and some really interesting Civil War exhibits."
Skipper: "Where's that!?"

The rest of the night consisted of Skip and I swapping stories about History Channel specials we liked about World War 2 and family members who served. It's not the best representation of this so called watered down streetwalkin' but it just goes to show how with each person you meet, you can find a way inside, and tell them what they want to hear.

I need to get out of here.