This being said, I understand that here in America, we are a melting pot of different backgrounds and cultures. We originally all come from different places, that is, unless you're an American Indian. In that case you can do pretty much whatever you want because you were here first. For the most part, however, our perfect American culture usually doesn't like to step on any toes. We try not to offend the senses. Dress in your own unique style, just like everybody else, use your "inside voice" and for crying out loud, take a little pride in your personal hygiene. If I have to learn how to say "im muy triste" or "je deteste cet endriot" when I visit Spain or France then you should not be the Ike Turner to my sense of smell.
(For those of you not as fluent in typing in sentence fragments into online translators that's "I'm very sorry" in European Spanish (thay it with a lithsp) and "I hate this place" in French). 1944. Normandy Beach. You're welcome.
Few cultures let the hygiene ship sail but those who do seem to have an extraordinarily strong "musk" that stings the nostrils and does NOT "60% of the time, work every time." This is not ok. You may come from a place or upbringing that places no value in regulating the strength of your body odor but I do, as do most Americans. There should be a tool that visitors or those new to our culture can use that would assist in this regulation. If only there were a tool.
Richie Rich Smell Master
Although I am beyond creeped out that someone bootleg-style filmed BOTH scenes that had this ridiculous, fictional device in it, I do wish it existed, and was included as a complementary gift at customs. On a side note, remember Macaulay Culkin? What happened to the little man who bested Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern as "The Wet Bandits" in his home alone? The little guy who's work makes my mother laugh that laugh where she can only inhale and makes everyone else laugh even harder because she can't breathe, who's movies are among the holiday greats of National Lampoons Christmas Vacation and, well, Home Alone 2.
That's what happened.
That...
probably didn't help the situation. Wow. That is disturbing. What was I saying? Shower....I need to take a shower and wash this image out of my memory. Forever.
All this to say that I don't like being berated with your body odor from 7 feet away and you should use Richie Rich's Smell Master or maybe just some deodorant to try to contain Atilla the Hun and Genghis Khan otherwise known as, your armpits. Now I'm going to go pray for Macaulay Culkin. Poor little guy.
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