Boom! Gigli 2!

So I watched Iron Man 3 the other day.... and that's all I have to say about that. The credits began to roll and I had to jerk myself back into the world of awareness wondering, "where did the last 128 minutes of my life just go?" As if I walked into the theater expecting something not as outlandish as Pepper, Tony Stark's girlfriend, having red hair AND a tan. Ridiculous, I tell you, just awful. However it did make me wish I could be a fly on the wall in some of those meetings in LA where agents pitch the next big hit. You can just see it now. A young, well dressed, perfectly quaffed hot shot with his poster displays in front of a few halfway interested Hollywood fat cats. He has his laser pointer as he sets up the next multimillion dollar blockbuster.

"Toretto and the gang have disbursed to each of their million dollar estates all over the world after Rio. They are living their dreams of freedom. But wait! A group of highly skilled drivers take down a military convoy and steal its cargo. Now The Rock, (whatever that wrestler/not a very good actor's name is) must turn to the ones he once hunted for help. Picture Mad Max meets Terminator Salvation meets Rocky 2 meets Transformers! BOOM! I give you Fast and Furious 12!" (or whatever number they're on now)

And the thing is, they buy it! I can just hear the slow clap begin from the senior most fat cat's gaudy gold-ring clad fat hands. Then, slowly, methodically, the rest join in, until the conference room at Columbia Studios is filled with an eruption of applause and mixed chants of "Fast and Furious 12, Fast and Furious 12" and "USA, USA, USA!!" I know this is all exactly how it happens because....

See! How many times can you remake a movie? Rocky wins, then he loses, he trains hard, then he  wins again! They drive fast cars, the become heroes. They rob a casino, then they do it again, and then again. When does Oceans 14 come out? This means, at some point, there is a pitch man who convinces other men to spend millions of dollars on the exact same movie, "but this time is way better dude."
Why haven't I quaffed my hair and moved to LA? Unless I start seeing trailers for Gigli 2 soon, you better believe it's about to happen.

Seriously.

Gigli 2.

I want that.